(4) Lagoon Babes
Someone gased these yos up big time. I dont know who told them that they were the bonzest thing walking but they used to act like they were. I think its because their skool fees were high that was shacking them. Okay so here we have a brand new school that didnt really do jack as per reputation wise but when you see them outside see beddguy to the max. To grab an example from my girl vindication through innocence these babes where on that "Oh hey wassup? I didnt even see you." I seened it happen yall. But I gbadun lagoon babes for one thing sha, they can call enhhh! I dont think any lagos boy didnt receive a call from any lagoon babe in his lifetime. Slater's yard was a frequent recipient of Lagoon callers. It was always guaranteed at least once any week especially during that dulling period of holidays. I think say one of these babes used to live in my estate because as soon as NEPA takes light its guaranteed this particular lagoon babe was gonna call. As soon as light comes sha and I happen to be on the phone, the yo would just yarn that she got something doing. The disrespect!!! But the babe never left her name men. Infact none of the lagoon babes ever left their names, (at least 4, at least!). I talked to some of my boys and they got the same thing. It was like lagoon babes were just using the stuff to play, teasing niggaz and shit, never willing to go the whole nine yards. Same issh at parties, sorta like chilled and not mingling with the rest of the folk. They made it to the gig sha unlike A.I.S peeps but when they got there they were sorta like A.I.S peeps, own their lonesome.
Rep level- So the general gist is that these chicks were reserved, remote, dull. Yeah dull I said it, it had to be said. Still though, on average they were fine. Real talk, second only to school number 5. Infact Ahall boys flooded the zones at one point and if you can lure ahall boys, you gotta be doing something right.
So the final score is a 72. It coulda been much much higher if them shorties had left their numbers.
(5) V.F (Vivian Fowler)
Haaaa, See fine girls en masse. Nobody fit yarn anything. Even the naija babes reading right now have to concede that V.F blew them out the water. As in they took banger and knockout and used it on them. V.F babes were so fine that you people stopped asking if she was fine. "This guy I met one babe like this. Is she fine? Omo, shes V.F. Ahhh thats too mad oo". Its true men. Rumour has it that in the school handbook it reads "fine babes only, ugly babes should go to Q.C." Okay I'm lying but their junior babes had to plait their hair on a weekly basis as per by force. Thats serious hardguy if your school mandates that you have to fineup!
I didnt have that much experience with them myself but I remember back in my estate back in the day. One fine V.F babe used to stay just a few houses from the Slater mansion. Now for the folks who lived in estates you know how cant be seen my a chick from another school and you wont be fully reppn? If just by chance that i'm getting dropped off at school in the fine car I'll just pull out that my good mixtape, the one that I dubbed from radio and tried to erase the radio station name, and just start planning with Mr Moshud (my driver) how and when we're exiting. "Oyah, Uncle, we'll leave at 7.30 And abeg lets take adeola way not the usual road. why? its because its shorter now. Shey you want water or something. Anything at all. " But if we're on the datsun men fashii. You'll think that there was traffic close to her house, we no go pass deir again
Thats how it was with V.F babes men crazy. And if they jamme your school for some foolish school function, see guys just killing themselves to look fresh. For the record I always put out my good uniform on those days. You know how you have some with a few holes here and there, some that have shaaddd (faded) , some that are a bit too tight, some that are too baggy (You know that there was just one tailor for the private schools in Lagos. The one in Surulere, they really dealt with us. Just sewing nonsense there!) etc
Rep Level- Aiight Lagoon Babes were fine but is that enough to the see them top Ahall? Your school rep level has more to do with the most popular individual in your school than your actual school and for the life of me I cant seem to name a V.F babe off the top of the dome. This chicks didnt throw parties men and thats the long and short of it! However Q, who has finally surfaced after gbenching a yo or two, has assured me that they were on some solo get-together stuvvs, invite only. Now you the know the scence in movies where some guy takes another guy to a club and then they enters some backroom like this, do one kine korna korna and then end up at a totally different zones that's less crowded but with way more babes who are just eager to please? (if any guys reading this are like this, make you holla. I go fly down straighttt!!!) Thats how Q says it was although instead goin thru one underground zones it would be one crazy mansion like this. Thats how I like it sha, low key stuvs. So low key that my handsome ass self didnt know about such things. Ca sha (credit to Vindication through innocence), I still gbadun that kind stuvs. If you've been reading you'll know that hardguy is effortless flossing, nobody should know your're flossing. These babes' hard guy was soo much that they didnt even want you to know that they were flossing. But they still had rep. So in a shocking display of "ashewo-ism" not seen since the days of Slater and gang oggling chicks on Adeola Odeku, I am forced to present them with a earth shattering score of 87.62
(6) Q.C babes
As i've been saying I've been waiting for Q to land. I jammed the guy yesterday for the crew's weekly session of library pimping. The whole crew consists of the your boy Jack Slater, Q the enforcer, "that nigga Dave" and Reggie. Steady pimping ho's in the library yall. (there might be a blog). Ca sha I asked Q about Q.C and heres what transpired.
" Omo, whatever you do, make sure you rank Q.C last! Those babes are useless. I remember one day like this when we went to go and watch the girls basketball team play them. When we got to the place, be like say Hurricane Katrina don land Yaba. The place was filthy men, as in disgusting. No windows in the classes, about 300 in a class,garbage all over the zones. And then we now saw the babes! Yeyyyy! Mo gbe! Ive never seen so many chicks with sideburns myself. I was about to go and buy razor for the whole school. See what they now did at the end of game. They started throwing stones at us. Can u imagine? what a bunch of razzites. Do u know how much their school fees were? It was like 5000 Naira, that's like what about $50 dollars or 25 pounds. Whats that? No seriously whats that?
At that point in time a white chick we like to call big booty ho passed by. Big booty ho because she has a big booty and ho because well, we're men. Thats the law of things when you hang wit the squad.
Well me I dont know about all that but I did hear the rumour about a bunch of them raping their gateman (or ice cream, depends on who you hear it from) to death! Yes yall, thats the rumour. That some guy in the general area was raped to death. Theres also some gist I heard about how it was a normal thing to see babes pleasuring themselves with cokebottles and stuff in the boarding house. Dont shoot the messenger is all i'm saying.
Rep-level- taking into account Q's experiences and the stories Ive heard and have no choice but to award them a "Slater might be killed soon" score of 65. I'm sorry yall but I aint heard one positive thing about you, not one. I'm sure there were babes there but the ratio musta been pretty bad. At most 3 %.( We did the study, u guys think say we dont do real work at Jobless U). My hand was forced yall it was forced.
Other Skools
Adrao- one skool like that
Adesoye- see above
Olashore-" "
Dowen College- rich ass spoilt kids,exactly the same as the featured skools but werent in the public eye at all
Igbogbi College- This one was for my popsie " Ahhh Igbogbi college, thats a great school oo." Me:(enhhh?)
St Gregs- for my popsie's friend, Uncle Sule
Ijaniki- Heard madd stories from my boys as in mad. You guys should ask about Sly.
Isolo-see above
Isl- just because of that lag connection
Oxbridge- Iused to think this place was in jand they way that bridge used to sound till I found out it was some small zones in Ikeja. They used to do levels because most of their mates had gone abroad to school, and you know naija now, you cant be rolling with your juniors now. For why? Its not needed.
The rest
*For further reference please visit http://www.nigerianschoolsonline.org/ (and they say I dont research)
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Lagos Schools' Rep Evaluation
Yeah so I completely revamped the title. When I was midway through the first written version I soon realised that I was dishing out school reputation as determined by student hard guy level. Confused? You shouldnt be. Once you see the graph you'll know what I'm talking about.
Lemme restate again that these are from MY high school days, mine! And me being of "the sneaking out of the house when I could" mould, this thing is going to be heavily skewed. However, I'm still gonna try and be vigilant in awarding scores.
Things to note:
i) My highschool days = mid to late 90's era (when how rich you were was determined by the size of the dish on your roof)
ii)The concept of diminishing returns.
Basically we're assuming there is an optimum amount of every continuous action, and too much or too little of that action is not good. For example lets look at hunger. There's an optimum amount of food you're supposed to eat, too little and you're still hungry, too much and you're too full. So there's an optimum amount of hard guy. Too little and it hurts your rep, too much and it still hurts your rep. Capish! (For those of you wondering what your maths degree can get you, this is what your future holds, linking mathematical concepts and silly mannerisms of yesteryear. We are so dead.)
Aiight then , lets go.
AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL (A.I.S)
Omo see nonsense oooo. Which kine hard guy be this? Did anybody see this people? Shey u fit recognize thier school uniform sef? Shet men levels deyy levels deyy. These guys didnt step out of their houses oo. Be like say to school and back that was their whole Lagos runz. I used to imagine what it would be like goin to school there, ketchup and burger for lunch, nice fresh yankee textbooks for every class, white girls called Becky and Jenny asking me to speak pidgin for them etc Chai! Shockingly I met one A.I.S babe over here oo. This one no be naija at all. She was a mix of something, boya white and latino but she was foinneee! We were yarning now and I was laying my pimp game quite flat as usual when we got into the whole naija thing. She was now naming all the Lagos places that she used to touch cause Jack Slater wasn't buyin that whole naija babe steez. At least not with that accent. Well we thank God that I saved up all the cash from Aunty Jumoke's wedding so I could reach After hours (formerly Oceanview) otherwise, I go dey ask for passport next.
That's why when me and my guys got invited for one A.I.S basketball tournament like this we come dey celebrate. The thing was like you couldn't just show up at A.I.S like that otherwise see gating. Pick up your siblings ke? Pickers!!! You needed a special invitation. That's why me and my boys dey hi5 ourselves when we heard the news that we were going (details are sketchy but I think say I hit up L.O.P to buy a new pair of basketball shorts...to oppress you know).
Omo when we reached see basketball court. Shet men!some NCAA type stuvss. I swear the shit threw me off my game. Okay I'm lying because your boy was chopping benching, as in madddd benchingg men. Funny enough I played recently with the guys that used to be on my old high school team and your boy put it down. Put it down! Be like say Jack Slater was Kobe Bryant and the rest of these guys were the raptors. Real talk!
Sha Sha we exited in the final after a great left bench performance from your boi. But while we were there sha, awon A.I.S people no send our side. I shoulda mentioned that they were two courts, the NCAA and the outdoor one. The outdoor one was for like non A.I.S involved games so we dey outside most of the time. The Coach said make I do head cheerleader cause nobody was watching our games men ("READYYY LETS GO"). But the shocking thing was that not even one A.I.S suzie came out. Not one! Its not like we were ugly guys or anything (I swear we're not) but a girl shoulda come to say wassup or shoot the shit or whatever.
Rep Level-This is where the diminishing returns comes in. A.I.S peeps musta been cool now, but to be so cool to the point where you exclude yourselves from the rest of Lagos? Not good.There musta been fine ass white girls in there but we'll never know cause we didnt see them. So their hardguy levels although high, had a counter productive effect on their school's reps. Them get party ,them no go invite u, U get party, u no go invite them, that type stuvs. In short Awon guys jawed Lagos and Lagos jawed them. This one cant help your rep now. Therefore I am forced to award them a rep level of a porous 67
K.C BOYS
Hood. What did I say, "hood!" K.C boys fit do anything anyhow, they fit slap from V.I to Ikeja and back no shaking. I remember in my school now, when awon guys used to see nuff guys wey dey any car. Peeps would just be like "ahh K.C boys don land again". Even now sef we still dey yarn am. Not too many of my guys get car here so when we all wanna ride out we just yarn "make we pull that K.C move".
And again K.C boys dont do fresh guy for their school (clearly derivative of the fact that their all guys in one school) and when they step outside men, same issh. As in not a good look. Their shoes come dust up finish like this. The worst thing was when Jack Slate would manage to sneak out to a party. Cause I dey outside most of the times (Slate couldn't just breeze in you know) K.C guys come go dey shout and push so they fit enter party. "ahhh Segun now, get me in now abeg this guy annnh annhh now". Not the hardguy way u know.
But I still gbadun K.C guys sha. If I could go to high school again na K.C Slate would ask for. U know why? These guys were real men. How many K.C boys do you know that dont know how to rack? As in lets say you dey outside and shit happens would you rather a K.C boy or a "school number 3" boy to be in your corner. All that hardguy stuvs is not necessary these guys were just being real. Forget all that one of going to class and finding shit in the desk, the fact that most of these guys were not on the bedguy tip is maddd commendable. I heard one yarn like this about how awon obtainers were vexing oppressing K.C boys.Word is that the obtainer got his ass beat the fuck down.It was shacking me that I wasnt involved sef.
Rep level- For all the heat that K.C boys used to take these guys used to throw live parties. As in, K.C boys throwing a party was a very big stuvs , second only to "school number 3". And again, I know some chicks that were tripping over K.C boys. Even though the stereotype is that they were not too good looking (no homo) the law of numbers ordains that they were some diamonds in the ruff. Add the way I gbadun their whole keeping it "real attitude" and I am pleased to present them with a score of 79.5
ATLANTIC HALL
Oyah, where do we start? Everything we know about hardguy came from here. Everything. Come and see beddguy to the max. These ahall people had lagos by the scruff of the neck back in my day. "Ahall boys are throwing one parry my guy, we musto land". That was the regular thing my boys used to yarn. Even though chances of gating we're absurdingly high we were ready to do anything for an Ahall gig.
Have you guys ever seen Ahall boys outside a party before? As in lets say someone slips up my mistake and doesnt allow awon guys in. Ahall boys wont wait by the gate ooo, push and shove ke? My guys will just go back to their bonz ride that is conviniently packed close to the gate where u fit see them. Meanwhile, you that you're trying to get inside the party will fashi the hustling you were doing and now be watching the a fantastic display of alpha male-dominance. To top it all off, somebody will now come from the inside the gate and escort them inside. The shit used to do us and the K.C boys like film-trick.
I get one boy here,ex Ahall boy wey teach me everything about hardguy. Q, as we dey call am,was yarning one babe. There was a bit of an arguement goin on sha but check the ting wey my guy yarn after e don comot for phone
Q:look at that stupid babe, telling me that I'll sleep alone tonite. As if its her cooch.
Thats how ahall boys yarn o. As if they own everything. Babes now used to love them untop! Can u imagine? I swear one Ahall guy came and dumped on our school grounds and walked off. Babes were now misyarning that "ahh dont touch it oo, it was an ahall boy that did that, does anyone know him here? Can I get his number". That kind ting. Fuck them niggaz men!
Rep Level-Sha sha with all their hardguy stuvs, the diminishing returns sets in. As per check this, if a babe is hollering at any guy, most guys should probably jaw for a bit which usually works (F.Y.I you cant show too much interest in a babe at first. If you do she'll know from jump that u're into her and will play you for a sucker. The Jack Slater way). Now an Ahall boy will probably jaw unto the point where the babe is not interested anymore. Counter productive. I havent said much about Ahall girls, (How could I? They jawed Jack), but the research didnt prove too fruitful.Like their babes werent all that. Well not as all that as one of the schools that I have yet to write on. The guys? Probably the same thing but their parties were amazing and you couldnt see them outside not being fresh. I think it was their blue and grey uniform, that uniform take style fineeee.
With that said Ahall receives a "coulda been higher" score of 84
Still to come - Queen's College, Vivian Fowler, Lagoon and a few others. Also I'll hopefully edit this one.
Lemme restate again that these are from MY high school days, mine! And me being of "the sneaking out of the house when I could" mould, this thing is going to be heavily skewed. However, I'm still gonna try and be vigilant in awarding scores.
Things to note:
i) My highschool days = mid to late 90's era (when how rich you were was determined by the size of the dish on your roof)
ii)The concept of diminishing returns.
Basically we're assuming there is an optimum amount of every continuous action, and too much or too little of that action is not good. For example lets look at hunger. There's an optimum amount of food you're supposed to eat, too little and you're still hungry, too much and you're too full. So there's an optimum amount of hard guy. Too little and it hurts your rep, too much and it still hurts your rep. Capish! (For those of you wondering what your maths degree can get you, this is what your future holds, linking mathematical concepts and silly mannerisms of yesteryear. We are so dead.)
Aiight then , lets go.
AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL (A.I.S)
Omo see nonsense oooo. Which kine hard guy be this? Did anybody see this people? Shey u fit recognize thier school uniform sef? Shet men levels deyy levels deyy. These guys didnt step out of their houses oo. Be like say to school and back that was their whole Lagos runz. I used to imagine what it would be like goin to school there, ketchup and burger for lunch, nice fresh yankee textbooks for every class, white girls called Becky and Jenny asking me to speak pidgin for them etc Chai! Shockingly I met one A.I.S babe over here oo. This one no be naija at all. She was a mix of something, boya white and latino but she was foinneee! We were yarning now and I was laying my pimp game quite flat as usual when we got into the whole naija thing. She was now naming all the Lagos places that she used to touch cause Jack Slater wasn't buyin that whole naija babe steez. At least not with that accent. Well we thank God that I saved up all the cash from Aunty Jumoke's wedding so I could reach After hours (formerly Oceanview) otherwise, I go dey ask for passport next.
That's why when me and my guys got invited for one A.I.S basketball tournament like this we come dey celebrate. The thing was like you couldn't just show up at A.I.S like that otherwise see gating. Pick up your siblings ke? Pickers!!! You needed a special invitation. That's why me and my boys dey hi5 ourselves when we heard the news that we were going (details are sketchy but I think say I hit up L.O.P to buy a new pair of basketball shorts...to oppress you know).
Omo when we reached see basketball court. Shet men!some NCAA type stuvss. I swear the shit threw me off my game. Okay I'm lying because your boy was chopping benching, as in madddd benchingg men. Funny enough I played recently with the guys that used to be on my old high school team and your boy put it down. Put it down! Be like say Jack Slater was Kobe Bryant and the rest of these guys were the raptors. Real talk!
Sha Sha we exited in the final after a great left bench performance from your boi. But while we were there sha, awon A.I.S people no send our side. I shoulda mentioned that they were two courts, the NCAA and the outdoor one. The outdoor one was for like non A.I.S involved games so we dey outside most of the time. The Coach said make I do head cheerleader cause nobody was watching our games men ("READYYY LETS GO"). But the shocking thing was that not even one A.I.S suzie came out. Not one! Its not like we were ugly guys or anything (I swear we're not) but a girl shoulda come to say wassup or shoot the shit or whatever.
Rep Level-This is where the diminishing returns comes in. A.I.S peeps musta been cool now, but to be so cool to the point where you exclude yourselves from the rest of Lagos? Not good.There musta been fine ass white girls in there but we'll never know cause we didnt see them. So their hardguy levels although high, had a counter productive effect on their school's reps. Them get party ,them no go invite u, U get party, u no go invite them, that type stuvs. In short Awon guys jawed Lagos and Lagos jawed them. This one cant help your rep now. Therefore I am forced to award them a rep level of a porous 67
K.C BOYS
Hood. What did I say, "hood!" K.C boys fit do anything anyhow, they fit slap from V.I to Ikeja and back no shaking. I remember in my school now, when awon guys used to see nuff guys wey dey any car. Peeps would just be like "ahh K.C boys don land again". Even now sef we still dey yarn am. Not too many of my guys get car here so when we all wanna ride out we just yarn "make we pull that K.C move".
And again K.C boys dont do fresh guy for their school (clearly derivative of the fact that their all guys in one school) and when they step outside men, same issh. As in not a good look. Their shoes come dust up finish like this. The worst thing was when Jack Slate would manage to sneak out to a party. Cause I dey outside most of the times (Slate couldn't just breeze in you know) K.C guys come go dey shout and push so they fit enter party. "ahhh Segun now, get me in now abeg this guy annnh annhh now". Not the hardguy way u know.
But I still gbadun K.C guys sha. If I could go to high school again na K.C Slate would ask for. U know why? These guys were real men. How many K.C boys do you know that dont know how to rack? As in lets say you dey outside and shit happens would you rather a K.C boy or a "school number 3" boy to be in your corner. All that hardguy stuvs is not necessary these guys were just being real. Forget all that one of going to class and finding shit in the desk, the fact that most of these guys were not on the bedguy tip is maddd commendable. I heard one yarn like this about how awon obtainers were vexing oppressing K.C boys.Word is that the obtainer got his ass beat the fuck down.It was shacking me that I wasnt involved sef.
Rep level- For all the heat that K.C boys used to take these guys used to throw live parties. As in, K.C boys throwing a party was a very big stuvs , second only to "school number 3". And again, I know some chicks that were tripping over K.C boys. Even though the stereotype is that they were not too good looking (no homo) the law of numbers ordains that they were some diamonds in the ruff. Add the way I gbadun their whole keeping it "real attitude" and I am pleased to present them with a score of 79.5
ATLANTIC HALL
Oyah, where do we start? Everything we know about hardguy came from here. Everything. Come and see beddguy to the max. These ahall people had lagos by the scruff of the neck back in my day. "Ahall boys are throwing one parry my guy, we musto land". That was the regular thing my boys used to yarn. Even though chances of gating we're absurdingly high we were ready to do anything for an Ahall gig.
Have you guys ever seen Ahall boys outside a party before? As in lets say someone slips up my mistake and doesnt allow awon guys in. Ahall boys wont wait by the gate ooo, push and shove ke? My guys will just go back to their bonz ride that is conviniently packed close to the gate where u fit see them. Meanwhile, you that you're trying to get inside the party will fashi the hustling you were doing and now be watching the a fantastic display of alpha male-dominance. To top it all off, somebody will now come from the inside the gate and escort them inside. The shit used to do us and the K.C boys like film-trick.
I get one boy here,ex Ahall boy wey teach me everything about hardguy. Q, as we dey call am,was yarning one babe. There was a bit of an arguement goin on sha but check the ting wey my guy yarn after e don comot for phone
Q:look at that stupid babe, telling me that I'll sleep alone tonite. As if its her cooch.
Thats how ahall boys yarn o. As if they own everything. Babes now used to love them untop! Can u imagine? I swear one Ahall guy came and dumped on our school grounds and walked off. Babes were now misyarning that "ahh dont touch it oo, it was an ahall boy that did that, does anyone know him here? Can I get his number". That kind ting. Fuck them niggaz men!
Rep Level-Sha sha with all their hardguy stuvs, the diminishing returns sets in. As per check this, if a babe is hollering at any guy, most guys should probably jaw for a bit which usually works (F.Y.I you cant show too much interest in a babe at first. If you do she'll know from jump that u're into her and will play you for a sucker. The Jack Slater way). Now an Ahall boy will probably jaw unto the point where the babe is not interested anymore. Counter productive. I havent said much about Ahall girls, (How could I? They jawed Jack), but the research didnt prove too fruitful.Like their babes werent all that. Well not as all that as one of the schools that I have yet to write on. The guys? Probably the same thing but their parties were amazing and you couldnt see them outside not being fresh. I think it was their blue and grey uniform, that uniform take style fineeee.
With that said Ahall receives a "coulda been higher" score of 84
Still to come - Queen's College, Vivian Fowler, Lagoon and a few others. Also I'll hopefully edit this one.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
COMING SOON: LAGOS PRIVATE SCHOOL (with a few public schools tossed in) HARDGUY/HARDGIRL RANKINGS
Okay I know I already owe a hard guy terminology post (SEE monday march 26th posts) but its been brought to my attention that my slangs aren't up to par. Infact I might never do the damn post unless I feel I have enough material!
Meanwhile, imma hit you with this jumpoff, LAGOS PRIVATE SCHOOL (with a few public schools tossed in) HARDGUY/HARDGIRL RANKINGS. This should be the killah!!
Meanwhile, imma hit you with this jumpoff, LAGOS PRIVATE SCHOOL (with a few public schools tossed in) HARDGUY/HARDGIRL RANKINGS. This should be the killah!!
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